Dark Keitaro: The Breaking Point
by Mitschu
Summary: Chapter Six Up! Keitaro goes evil when the last hit snaps his mind. Cruelty, slashing, and repeated attempts at murder ensue. Will anyone leave with an intact ego? Read on to find out!
1. Getting Started

AN: You know the drill, I don't own Love Hina. I do, however, own a large stash of mismatched clothing and the occasional Salem cigarette. This is my shot at a semi-dark Kei fic, since I'm pretty pissy right now at the world. One shot, enjoy.

"Naru-punch!" Naru screamed, sending Keitaro flying into orbit yet again.

Keitaro growled as he flew threw the air, years of accumulated abuse final snapping him. _That does it!_ He thought, _I'm gonna solve all my problems once and for all!_ As he continued his fall, eventually hitting a tree, he pondered what he could do to get his life back in track. Finally, he decided to get a pack of cigarettes.

"Hello, love!" Keitaro chirped at the lady at the counter, after walking into the store. "Give me a pack of Salem 100s, and make it fresh!" The lady glowered at him.

"Do you have your I.D, sir?" Keitaro whipped it out, tossing it on the counter flippantly. "Sure, do. Now that I know how old I am, how old are you, sweetie?"

The girl glared at him, annoyed. "None of your business. That'll be $2.68."

Keitaro took his pack, and then looked around, aggravated. Then he grabbed a lighter from the display case and lit his cigarette.

"Hey, you gonna pay for that?" Keitaro smiled, then leaned forward and looked at the display case.

"Hm, good for two hundred lights, apparently. Not a bad deal for a dollar. So, that is half a cent per light, right?" Keitaro fished in his pocket and grabbed a penny, flipping it towards the girl, who caught it reflexively. "Keep the change, love." With that, he left the store.

The girl turned towards the other customer in the line, a chubby man who was clutching his candy bar protectively. "You better not be planning on taking a bite out of that and paying me a nickel, or I'll castrate you."

Keitaro finally arrived back at the inn, and immediately decided to take the second step in his plan to renovate his life. "Oi, girls, get your asses down here!" The girls slowly filed into the front room, looking at Keitaro, his lit cigarette, and absorbing his new attitude. He surveyed them all, and finally grinned.

"Okay, we'll start with you, Naru. You haven't been paying rent for a while, electing instead to pay your college expenses. Well, that finally caught up with you. You owe me $1000 for rent. Oh, and I've also compiled this list of medical bills that are resultant of your super-freak punches. That'll be an additional $3000. Pay now, or get out of my inn." Keitaro smirked, and then turned to Motoko.

"As for you, doll, I have a special surprise. In fact, it should be arriving any time now. Not to ruin the secret, but I sort of discovered a group of people that agree a feministic, cold hearted witch with excessive skill in obsolete swordsmanship and an intense phobia of turtles is considerably wrong. Oh, there they are now!"

Keitaro grinned as a group of hospital orderlies showed up, one of whom was carrying a straightjacket, and another a large turtle plushy. Torn between fearing the turtle and dodging the jacket, Motoko was outmatched and eventually jacketed and thrown into the back of the padded van, which pulled away as quickly as they had arrived.

"Ah, darling sweet Shinobu. Yes, you haven't been paying rent either, but I'll forgive that in lieu of the cooking and housekeeping you have been doing instead. Therefore, you are now promoted to Hinata Inn Housekeeping Manager. Oh, and to be technical, your position may or may not include the title of 'Mistress of the House.' No worries." Shinobu gaped at Keitaro. One can only wonder if she was more shocked by his newly developed attitude, or the fact that she was now his mistress.

"Oh, Haruka, don't you worry, your position is safe, too. You've been steadily bringing in decent money since day one. However, a tea house is a bit too obsolete for my tastes, and, citing Motoko as an example, you see what happens to obsolete things. Therefore, I am proud to announce that Hinata House Teashop is now shut down, and will be replaced with Hinata House Harem." Keitaro was struck by a sudden idea. "Hey, Naru, you don't actually need to leave, I have a job for you after all!"

Naru screamed and lunged towards Keitaro, her fist fully connecting with his face, shattering his glasses and bending his cigarette. "Eh, I probably deserved that. Tsk, now I guess you didn't read that paper I gave you. You know, the restraining order? Abusive relationships are the entire fad nowadays, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Officer Kimotu?" A tall burly man showed up from nowhere and dragged Naru away, screaming.

Keitaro turned to the remaining girls. "Okay, Kitsune. You are now in charge of training Shinobu in her new position, keeping my wine cellar properly stocked, and serving as den mother in the new harem. Good luck, it's a tough job, Shinobu'll be a hard nut to crack." Keitaro chuckled at his joke.

"Kaolla, mechanics. You keep the inn from falling apart, and you won't ever need to worry about bananas again. I'll import a few banana trees for your bedroom. If you fail, however, well, you see what happens to abusers in an contracted relationship." Kaolla, ever cheerful, saluted and marched out of the room, where an explosion was immediately heard. "Ah, we all make mistakes." Keitaro said, shrugging.

"Now, who am I forgetting?" Keitaro pondered, looking at the remaining girls. "Ah, I think that is it. Any of you girls that I forgot, you get to pack your bags in the next fifteen minutes, before Kimotu returns to drag you off. So chop chop!"

Keitaro sighed. "Now that that is over, I wonder what else I can do to make my life better. Maybe…"

THE END

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it. I was in a bad mood, so I figured I'd vent some steam. I don't actually hold a grudge against any of the characters (my favorite, if you couldn't tell, is Shinobu, but I dislike passionately the old Motoko bitch.)

This thing took me about ten minutes to write in Microsoft Word. Hope there aren't any typos, but like I said, things can happen. And if you want, send me a quick PM letting me know you liked it, hated it, want to see more, want to see me in jail, or such. Also check out my more serious, canon fic, Love Hina: The Final Days, for naked Motoko, gun toting Haruka, and a clueless Keitaro in a world of zombies, self insertions, and the lovely bike from FFVII.


	2. Getting Into Trouble

Well, I decided to continue this travesty, since people enjoyed it so much. You are all sick, sick freaks. With that said, I was sort of curious… with Naru and Motoko gone, who else was there to bash? Then it hit me, this is a Dark Kei fic, not a Bash Fest. It is now time to bring in the supporting characters and make some interesting impacts on them. So prepare yourself, for Keitaro isn't done yet. R/R are always welcome.

Keitaro grumbled, tossing and turning in his bed. "Haha, the straightjacket for you, bitch." He laughed, shortly before falling off of his futon and onto the floor.

"Huh? Oh, wow, what a vivid dream!" Keitaro said, shaking his head. Then his eyes opened suddenly, for there on his night table was a pack of Salem 100s.

"But wait, in that dream, Shinobu and Kitsune went to bed with me, where is she if this is real?" Keitaro posed into the empty room. Almost immediately, the room got foggy, and then the Hinata Council appeared from nowhere.

"Dreams are a place to go to get away." The first old man said.

"Reality is the place to make your dreams come true." The second added.

"Who can tell the difference between fantasy and truth?" The third muttered.

Keitaro looked around, obviously confused. Then, seizing his cigarettes, he made a decision.

"Oi, officer, get in here!" Keitaro yelled. Almost immediately, Officer Kimotu appeared. "Get those old geezers!" The officer began to approach the men, who looked towards Keitaro, scared.

"You can't do this to us, we are senior citizens! We know our rights!" All three men screamed. Kimotu paused, looking towards Keitaro confused. Keitaro grinned. "I'd say it was well past your prime, wouldn't you, officer?" The officer grinned his malicious grin, and almost immediately, the same orderlies that took Motoko pulled into the drive, charging upstairs and throwing the old men into wheelchairs.

"Time for you to stop trespassing, geezers. Good thing there is the old Hinata Retirement Center down the road, or you might see jail time instead." That said, the orderlies began to wheel the old men out, dumping them unceremoniously into the back of their padded van.

"Nothing about this is real…"

"We all wake up from our nightmares…"

"Don't I get a phone call?"

Keitaro smirked as the orderlies drove away, then headed back up to his bedroom. As he walked, he bumped into Shinobu, who shot him a wary look full of innocent distrust. He smiled lasciviously at her, and approached.

"Darling Shinobu, I missed you last night, you must have snuck out. No worries, I was exhausted. Evicting tenants and managing a new whore house can do that to a guy. However, we can get caught up now!"

Keitaro put a hand on Shinobu's shoulders, and then slowly began to lower his hands to a softer region; much to Shinobu's mixed delight and horror. However, at precisely the wrong moment, Keitaro flinched. Which is a perfectly natural reaction to having a blade pressed hard against the back of your neck.

"Damn it, I thought I got rid of Motoko already." Keitaro cursed, turning around to face the sword wielding sheila.

"Sort of forgot about me, did you?" Aoyama Tsuroku said menacingly, pressing the sword slightly harder against his exposed neck. "You have slighted the Aoyama clan name and the God's Cry School as a result. I was sent here to execute you, a task I will now perform with great panache."

Tsuroku pressed forward, driving the blade into Keitaro's neck, before using her body weight to lift Keitaro into the air, throwing him over her shoulder. Then, dragging her blade downward and slashing it forward, she promptly cleaved him in half. The leftmost section of his body fell in a twisted pile next to his door, while the other section fell near Shinobu.

Shinobu watched this display calmly. Then she realized that something worse than the average chi attack had just occurred, and she started screaming. Tsuroku walked towards Shinobu, her blade still drawn.

"Quiet, little girl, or this blade will feast twice today." Shinobu continued screaming, making Tsuroku grin laconically. "Very well." Tsuroku raised her sword over her head, and set her aims for a swift decapitation.

"Now that isn't very nice." Tsuroku froze and Shinobu stopped screaming. "I mean, I'm immortal, but she is just a little girl." Tsuroku slowly turned, seeing none other than a fully mended Keitaro. Only a straight scar running down his entire body and the rip in his clothing belied that nothing had happened. Tsuroku's eyes widened and she raised her weapon in a fit of panic, calling forth the only technique that could possibly kill a man who couldn't be killed, also read as a demon. "Zanganken Ninotachi!"

Against most people, this would be fatal, however, against Keitaro, the guy who helped Motoko master the Ninotachi, it was a simple gust of wind that fluttered his ripped garb obscenely. He turned to Tsuroku, grinning. "Damn it, people never learn the good old fashioned way. Never bring a sword to a gunfight!" That said, Keitaro whipped Haruka's trusted handgun out of his pocket, leveling it at Tsuroku. "Don't move, I can probably shoot faster than you can dodge. Officer, you caught all this, right?" Tsuroku whirled as the officer appeared; fully knowing (via her chi-dar) that he wasn't there a second ago. Unfortunately, Keitaro wasn't joking about the "_don't move"_ part, and so Tsuroku suddenly had a bullet in her left arm – which sent her blade flying.

"That was self defense, right?" Keitaro shot at the officer, no pun intended. The officer nodded. "And she broke into my house with the intention of killing me and this young girl, right?" The officer nodded again. "And technically, she did kill me. So write her up for two cases of attempted murder, and one first degree murder."

"Oi, Kitsune!" The fox appeared out of a doorway, where she had watched the whole thing. "I'll need you to sell this story to the Hinata Times, okay? Man single-handedly drops insane swordswoman who attempts to murder docile residents of Inn." Kitsune coughed and shut her bedroom door again.

Keitaro grinned as Tsuroku was put into a rough van with barred windows, and then turned away. "Now, am I forgetting anything?" He turned back towards Shinobu, and his eyes lit up. However, nothing was sexually appealing about a zombie, so she did what any terrified fourteen year old girl would do. She ran like hell.

"Damn." Keitaro cursed. Then he turned and saw the most delicious thing he had ever seen before.

"Hello, Keitaro!" chirped Mutsumi. "My, it sure is quiet in here!" Keitaro sweatdropped as she waved goodbye to the departing van. Then he proceeded to maximize on his newfound evilness.

"Mutsumi, has anyone ever told you what nice watermelons you have?" Keitaro said with a smirk. She blushed, and then gasped as he approached and roughly grabbed one in each hand. Slowly, he rotated his hands up and down, causing her melons to bounce up and down with each rotation.

"Keitaro, please, don't squeeze them so hard!" Mutsumi moaned. Keitaro, ever oblivious, leaned forward and nipped at one, then bit the other. "Kei-kun, please, I'm saving those!"

Finally, Keitaro took both her melons in his hands and slammed them together, eliciting a sigh from Mutsumi. He repeatedly rammed them together, closing the thin cleavage between them repeatedly. Slowly, Mutsumi began to cry and moan about how much it hurt her, and Keitaro smirked one last time. "But Mutsumi, look how sticky you are!"

At precisely that moment, however, he accidentally dropped the watermelons, and watched with bemusement as they hit the floor and shattered. Mutsumi turned to him, tears flowing freely from her eyes as her lower lip trembled.

"I hate you, Kei-kun!" Mutsumi screamed, turning and running from the chamber. Keitaro grumbled at the mess at his feet, and finally decided to leave that to Shinobu.

"Damn, what an uneventful day." Keitaro sighed, heading into his bedroom and flopping on the futon. "I wish something interesting would happen around here."

So, read, review. This is because I was asked to create another chapter, and I wanted to keep it mine, not following some predetermined 'bash them in order' fashion. Therefore, I created this mainly as a sign of how depraved my mind can get at times. And with that, I am now getting locked into a mental hospital along with Motoko and the Hinata Council. And I don't think they are very pleased with me. Hey, that is cool, I didn't know Motoko knew how to fashion a sword out of bed sheets. Aw shit, please remember the reviews and please don't fla(sching, or whatever sound would be appropriate for a sword made of linens.)


	3. Getting in the Spirit

Still in demand for some reason… although almost every main character has had part of their life ruined by Keitaro. However, a guilty conscious may intervene, sparing the ones Keitaro loves… NOT. This is a dark fic, not some sappy romance. More hatred, cruelty, and sparks of immaturity await you, dear reader!

"Keitaro!" A soft voice whispered in Keitaro's ear. When he showed no sign of awakening, the voice persisted. "Keitaro, Keitaro-kun, Keitaro, wake up!" Finally, Keitaro grumbled and rolled out of bed.

"Keitaro, I have returned!" Moe proclaimed sadly. "It has come to my attention that you are possessed by a demon who wants to permanently alter the happy life you had ahead of you… Keitaro, are you listening?"

Keitaro looked at Moe, shivering slightly. "I can't believe how cold it is in here, Moe. Is it because you are a spirit of some sort, trying to guide me to my own ultimate salvation?"

Moe chuckled. "In part, yes, and partially because you are sleeping completely naked with no covers." Keitaro looked down and had the decency to blush slightly.

"Well, I'm not used to inanimate beings possessing a doll and trying to enter my room to give me advice." Keitaro paused, giving Moe a quick look up and down that she found highly inappropriate. "Wow, Moe, you are pretty well constructed, aren't you?" He stopped at the look of horror that crossed her face. "No, I mean it, what are you, oak? And it looks like you don't have any 'mites or bugs in you…"

Moe shot him a look of indignation. "Of course I don't have any bugs! And I'll let you know I am constructed of the finest quality maple wood!" Keitaro nodded, seemingly happy about this fact.

"So, what is this incredibly sage advice you have to offer me? Shall I give up cigarettes and get into the cigar habit? I can afford it now, who knew that _The Hinata Red Light District_ would be so profitable?" Keitaro made as to throw his cigarettes out the window, but Moe couldn't take such littering.

"No, wait, Keitaro. I'm not telling you to quit smoking or change your brand. I'm just saying, you have been possessed by a demon. You were supposed to be part of a carefully crafted love triangle between you and Naru and Motoko, which ultimately creates a forceful team known across the land known as _The Unity of Strength, Devotion, and Eternal Justice_, however; if you continue along this path, you'll just become known as _Urashima Keitaro, The Most Highly Profitable Pimp_." Moe hesitated, looking sidelong at Keitaro. He seemed to be slightly disgusted by the first title, and highly amused by the second.

"So, is that all you came to tell me?" He said finally. Moe nodded, muted by this changed man in front of her. Keitaro gave her that look again, the one that made her very nervous. And then he grinned widely and began to walk towards her.

"Keitaro? Keitaro, what are you doing?" She asked, panicked. He just continued smiling.

"I told you it was cold in here, didn't I?" He inquired, almost as though he were commenting on the mating patterns of butterflies. Then, suddenly, he lunged towards Moe, grabbing her wrist and dragging her towards his bed.

"Keitaro, Keitaro, no!" She positively screamed. "I'll… I'll… I'll give you splinters!" Keitaro snorted as he realized what she thought he was about to do.

"No, no, darling Moe, I wouldn't do that with you. That's what I've got _real_ women for." Moe gave Keitaro a hurt look, even though she had just been protesting what he was now defusing rapidly.

"But, I do need _something_ to warm me up, and there is something you can do to help." Keitaro shot Moe a happy smile. Moe sighed, and smiled back at Keitaro. _He isn't that bad yet, he still isn't lustful like I thought the demon would make him._ She thought.

Keitaro fumbled in the corner of his room, and the sudden flickering caught her eyes right as Keitaro pulled harshly on her arm, throwing her into the fireplace, before slamming the screen in place.

Keitaro began to laugh calmly as he sat in front of the fireplace, the panicked yelling inside the only sign that something was wrong with this peaceful scene.

"Ah, walking, talking firewood that gives you random tidbits of useless fortune cookie advice." Keitaro sighed, arching back on the floor. "What will they think of next, gothic girls with magic cats who fall desperately in love with their brothers?"

Almost as if on cue, Kanako walked into the room. She took a look at Keitaro, then took a look at the still burning Moe, and then her eyes shot back to Keitaro as she realized he was completely naked. She stared, small dribbles of drool hanging out of her mouth and a river of blood shooting out of her nose. Keitaro didn't notice her, and so continued to stretch calmly in front of the talking firewood, which was still yelling ineffectually to be let out.

"Ah… ah…" Kanako stuttered, unable to get a word out. "Ah… ah…"

Keitaro finally heard the noise behind him, and turned towards Kanako, revealing even more of his body to her. Kanako slowly melted towards the ground, which was not in the least related to the simmering heat being released by the fire in the corner. Her cheeks, or at least where her cheeks used to be, burned bright red, causing the pool that was her to start to boil.

"Ew." Keitaro said plainly. "Er, hey, Kanako, great news, they make singing firewood now. You throw it on the fire and it starts to sing!" He kicked the grate, causing Moe to start yelling again. "It doesn't sing anything that I know, but the beat _is_ pretty catchy."

Kanako turned her mush to face Moe, a task that was hard both because she was a puddle of goo and because she couldn't take her eyes off of Keitaro's –

"Hey, I just remembered, I have a date with Motoko today!" Kanako sprung back into solid existence again, charging towards her naked brother.

"But big brother! I thought you evicted her for being a crazy she-bitch!" Kanako cried out. Keitaro chuckled.

"Well, the hospital thought it was necessary for a friendly face to visit with Motoko occasionally, since her older sister was locked away in jail and her entire clan spontaneously committed Seppuku for their disgraces." Keitaro sighed, his old humanity restarted for a few seconds. Then it died again. "Besides, she still owes me an apology."

Kanako didn't want to remind her older brother that he was the reason Motoko was in such agony. So she watched Keitaro walk out the front door of the inn (completely naked) from his bedroom window, even though she knew (or so she thought) that he was marching into his own certain doom. Having nothing better to do, she sat down in front of the fireplace, watching the Moe-log flicker. Moe, having nothing better to do herself, sat there and watched Kanako back.

Finally, Moe spoke. "You know, if you don't let me out, you are _so_ going to hell, right?" Kanako blinked. "And Keitaro is going with you, if I have anything to say to it."

Kanako grinned wickedly. "I already was going to hell. Thanks for reassuring me about Keitaro's fate, though!" Kanako looked around, and finally decided to add some of Keitaro's soiled underwear to the pile. Moe protested as she threw it on top of her, but gave up the fight as a lost cause. Meanwhile, Kanako took a huge whiff of the smoke and smiled a most goofy smile.

"Holy shit, Kanako, why didn't you tell me I was naked!" Keitaro yelled as he ran into the room, startling Kanako out of her delightful incense (ha) induced coma. He looked around, grabbing a pair of pants and a shirt from the closet, before turning back to Kanako. "Odd, have you seen my underwear anywhere?" When she shook her head, he shrugged and dove into his clothing.

"Oh well, gotta be off, or I'll miss the bus to Tokyo, and then miss the bus back here, and I can't afford that because I just _have_ to be fashionably late!" Keitaro exclaimed, opting to jump out of the window this time. Which sucked, since it was still shut. But oh well, he is Keitaro.

Meanwhile, in her padded room, Motoko sharpened her made-of-sheets sword, eager for the showdown with Keitaro. Suddenly, the door opened, and ever ready, she lashed out, already envisioning Keitaro's head falling off before she completely diced it into a million pieces.

I know what you are thinking… the story is no longer a Dark Kei fic, but a Bash Fest. For those who don't know why, it is because I didn't bash Kanako at all in this fic. (But she did turn into a puddle of mush, which can't be comfortable.) Therefore, this is no longer a Dark Kei fic, but a Dark Kei Bash Fest Versus All The Girls Except Kanako. And I love my little Kana-chan! 3

Read, review, call me a sick bastard who should be locked away for good. Oh, and sorry that there wasn't swords clashing, hearts breaking, and dreams being walked over like I promised in that one review response. But that gives me something to write for the next chapter.


	4. Getting a Piece of Mind

Chapter 4, after a long time, has been written finally. I know, I know, long time, no update, equals my fate is in the hands of the Patron Deity of Destructive Fanpeople, but hey, at least I have a fanbase who hungers after my every written word. Right? Right? Yohoo? Fans? Where are ya? COME BACK!

Nah, I've been working my butt off on night shift for measly pay, and all sorts of various activities (swimming, babysitting, eating out, playing hentai games, so on, so forth…) have been keeping me in a fairly zombie-esque mood whenever I get home… And actually, I'm in a pretty good mood, seeing as how work was fun today. But enough author rants. )

**Story Starts Here: (Any suggestions for a better --- since FF blocks the current one?)**

The door creaked open, revealing temporarily the blackened silhouette of one Urashima Keitaro. 'Calm down, Motoko, you've got this completely planned out.' The remaining rational side of her cried out. That side was promptly crushed, pulped, and turned into orange juice.

"NOW YOU DIE, KEITARO!" Motoko screamed, slashing her sword horizontally at the young kanrinin's neck. She was very satisfied when his head shot off of his head, before landing in the corner. She jumped over there, a feral look in her eyes, as she raised her makeshift weapon into the air and plunged it into the left eye of the head. Then the right. Then the left. Then she just started carving it into ribbons for the sheer pleasure of it.

Meanwhile, in reality…

Keitaro grumbled, tilting his head to the left until it popped. The orderly next to him grinned sheepishly.

"Sorry about that, sir, but she does that every time someone enters the room. That's also why I had you walk in front of me… as you can see, ridiculous as it may seem, that slash does hurt a tad."

Keitaro eyeballed the orderly, before returning his attention to Motoko, who was sitting in the corner, giggling gleefully, while slashing a sword fashioned out of linen repeatedly into the air in front of her.

"How long does this normally last?"

"One can only venture a guess, since we don't really know what goes on inside of her mind."

Keitaro grinned, a course of action coming to his mind. "Don't you worry about her, I've had some training and, if I may say so myself, am pretty good at working with ESP."

The orderly sighed. "You know, we didn't think it would be a physical problem, we should have checked for that. But that does explain the sudden inclination to kill every man who enters the room, her random mood swings, and the very strong craving for chocolate."

Keitaro sweatdropped. "Er, kid, I said ESP." The orderly nodded solemnly. "Are you sure the medical career is the right one for you?" Keitaro added, a second sweatdrop adding to his facial collection.

"Yeah, I get to work with cute little things like the one in front of ourselves when they are out of control. Excellent career _and_ social move, if I may say so."

Keitaro decided to abandon the sweatdrop plan and go for a full out facefault.

"Anyway, I'm sure glad you showed up, she's been talking about you nonstop. It's good to have such reliable friends!" With that, the orderly left the room, slipping the door shut behind him.

"Now," said Keitaro, glancing around, "to stir in a bit of excitement to her fantasy." Keitaro reached up and tapped his forehead, mentally forcing himself into the young warrior's mind.

Motoko, filled with the most intense happiness at slashing and prodding the head in front of her, didn't even notice the duplicate head that appeared out of nowhere next to it. Indeed, what little attention she gave it was when she occasionally put a few stabs into it as well, for good measure. However, when it started talking to her, she suddenly started paying it rapt attention, before freaking out.

"Ah, sweet little Motoko!" Keitaro chirped, wiggling his head until it pushed the other one out of the way. "Good to see you again, how is the new scenery? Pure and white, just like yourself, right?" Keitaro laughed at the illusory alliterative illiterate allusion (and then tried saying that three times fast, failing.)

"I came bearing good news! Your sister is dead, your family disgraced, and you are locked away in a loony bin for all eternity! But there is more! I just saved big money by switching to Beiko!" Keitaro peered at Motoko intently, who just stared back. "Ah, damn, American joke I picked up, guess you don't get it. See, Beiko is an insurance company with a talking bike for a mascot, which is weird since it is an automotive insur –" Motoko finally spoke.

"What are you here for?"

"Well, I had 15 minutes to spare, so I spent them pleasuring myself over some candid pictures of you I found while cleaning out your underwear drawer the other day. You must remember to pose to the right in the future, it is your better half, and -" Motoko shrieked.

"You looked at my entries?"

Keitaro blinked. "Entries?"

"To _Lonely Warrior Women Weekly_, this really awesome magazine that helps girls like me to get…" Motoko paused in her tirade, realizing what she was admitting. "You die! PERVERT!" Motoko slashed at his neck again, which was ineffectual for two reasons. One, her sword was made out of bed sheets. Two, he was a severed head. No neck was his game in the past, and now it was literally true.

"Ah, like I was saying, after making some pleasant memories and reacquainting some of my old anatomic lovers, I decided to waste a few minutes here with you. Which is up, I'm guessing, since you so obviously don't want to talk."

Motoko huffed. "No, I don't want to talk. Get the hell out!" Keitaro's head sighed, and with a snap, returned to Keitaro's body, signally the end of the fantasy.

"Okay, okay, I can take a hint. OI, ORDERLY!" The man ran in. "A few last minute rearrangements. If you want this girl to get better faster, just Xerox these photos and spread them all around the hospital. It'll help bolster her esteem and remind her of her self worth." The orderly, dumb as ever, nodded.

"Once she seems to have healed some, (you'll know because she'll stop screaming and be sitting in the corner in a semi-catatonic state) feel free to publish it on the internet under the name hookerwswordOMFGhawt!(3).jpg. That'll be the straw that broke the – I mean, the medicine that heals her the quickest. Yeah."

That said, Keitaro left the hospital, only glancing back once. Motoko was sobbing in the corner and trying to commit Seppuku with a cloth sword, and the orderly was holding up the first photo for his friends to see.

Keitaro grinned, his duty done. However, as he left the building, a strong foot connected with his head, driving him to the ground. As he wearily lifted his head, a pair of orange panties with the Polpol marking on them winked briefly before hiding under the miniskirt that was the fad with schoolgirl uniforms.

"Heya, big pervert brother!"

Keitaro grinned upwards at the young princess's face. And to think, he had intended to just go home and install hidden cameras in all the rooms… but no, something _interesting_ had to happen to him.

**End of Story (Come on, contest to see what my new page breaker thingie will be! Winner  
gets to be in the next chapter!) **

Whatcha think? A little too harsh? Just the right amount of harsh? Is there a word to describe the opposite of 'a little too harsh?' Maybe 'a little unharsh?' Who knows. And yes, for the people keeping track, this is the first one to only have something happen to one character. Motoko. God I dislike that vixen. Next chapter, a big orgy? Nah, I'll think of something even better!

Meanwhile...

The author is sitting at home, musing with a big grin on his face as he tries repeatedly... he has just one thing to say to his loyal fans... and he is going to say it five times fast!

Illusory alliterative illiterate allusion, illusory alliterative illiterate allusion, illusory alliterative illiterate allusion, illusory alliterative illiterate allusion, allusory illiusoration illusi... SHOOT. And this was my illusory alliterative illiterate allusion conclusion! (say that, if the first was too easy! P)

Later, my loyal fans!


	5. Getting Some Action

Dark Kei, Chapter Four: Romance Blooms and stuff

I know, this chapter is really not relevant to the rest of the story, but stick with it if you want some hot MotxKei action going on. )

Keitaro grimaced at the blonde titan in front of him. "What do you want, Su? Are you here so I can molest you?"

Kaolla grinned. "Nah, you can do that later. Right now, I'm Post-Mistress Su, not Love-Mistress Su, and I have a letter for you from Motoko!"

Keitaro blinked. "Really? But I just talked to her. How could she have written and sent a letter to me?"

The Hindu-wannabe shrugged at him. "This is Love Hina, after all. Go figure."

Keitaro reached over and plucked the letter from Kaolla's hand.

Urashima Keitaro. You have destroyed me, my honor, and my family. For these slights, I challenge you to an honor duel; to take place at the locale you have imprisoned me. The primary terms are those of First Blood.

Keitaro shrugged. "Eh, see, she failed school for that reason. The proper grammar is 'You have destroyed my honor, my family, and me.' You always put a self-referencing pronoun at the end of a conjunctive phrase. But eh, sounds like more fun than the Shinobu molesting the author had in mind. So why not?"

Kaolla simpered. "After you molest Motoko, Shinobu, and me, maybe we can play?" Keitaro smirked and nodded his acceptance to those terms.

Inside Motoko's cell, all was quiet. No, she wasn't dead. More like damaged. Ego shattered: check. Faux seppuku failed: check. Honor regained: giant x mark.

Then Keitaro burst into the room, paying no mind to the door. "Motoko Aoyama, I accept your duel to First Blood! The terms are: if I lose, I commit Seppuku and release you. If I win, you remain imprisoned forever!" That said, he tossed her the legendary Aoyama Blade and drew the Hinata Blade from who-knows-where. Motoko, in shock from the sudden exclamation and the requisition of her weapon, stared dumbfounded towards the young man. Then she excitedly nodded and struck a battle pose.

"I must warn you, I have been training with Seta, have memorized every stance you know, and am the current favorite of the god controlling our fates (also known as the author.) This is a stacked fight!" He started to continue, but Motoko charged him at that very second.

The clash of polished steel on darkened steel filled the room before being absorbed by the padded walls. Motoko, having expected a quick one-hit kill, gaped at the fact that Keitaro had blocked her. Then, with a slight flick of his wrist, his weapon rose and slashed again, sending her flying into the furthest wall.

"Whoops, forgot to mention, the Hinata Blade is cursed and grants superior skill to the wielder if he is evil!" That said, Keitaro dashed towards Motoko, who was currently sliding down the white wall. His blade would have finished her were it not for that fact. Instead, his weapon thrust into the wall directly above her head.

Motoko, not wasting a second, aimed a sucker punch at Keitaro's gut and sent him flying away from her. He kept his grip on his blade, and so, instead of flying far away, he merely flew a few inches away before the blade dislodged, leaving him floating in the air and in complete control of his own momentum. He used this opportunity to fall forward, driving another sword plunge into Motoko.

Or at least, that was the plan. Motoko, however, rolled out of the way, reacquiring her balance and raising her weapon, aiming for Keitaro's neck. Because of his own reflexive dodge, however, the blade dragged across his shoulder, searing the tissue there but causing only subsidiary damage to him. Meanwhile, sensing his weapon was stuck in the wall again, Keitaro floated sideways with the blow, locking his knees and slamming into the wall.

Using this new position, Keitaro straightened his legs and pushed himself towards Motoko while simultaneously pulling his sword out. He did a complete somersault over the weapon, raising it above his head and slashing out at her again, causing her to raise her blade reflexively and block him. Undaunted, he repeated the tactic, this time launching off of Motoko and performing a 360O rotation before cutting out towards her from the opposite direction. Again, her weapon blocked. Opting for a different tactic, this time he launched off of her, straightened out, flew towards the closest wall, and, pulling and pushing at the same time, launched himself airborne and back at the iron maiden.

He raised his sword for an overhead strike. Motoko, seeing no way to block, rolled sideways and away from the gleaming metal. Keitaro, having missed his target, changed his landing into a tumble, rolled across the room, hit the wall, and propelled himself towards Motoko's new coordinates.

The next few moments were a blur, as Keitaro's sword tried every possible angle for striking at Motoko, and Motoko blocked every strike with skill enhanced by desperation. Finally, panting, Motoko jumped to the furthest corner of the room and admired her opponent. Hot rage, mixed with some unidentifiable urge, filled her. She noted that her nipples were swelling against her chest bindings, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she registered that she was getting turned on by this. Adding fuel to the fire, Motoko charged up and released the only attack she could think of.

"Zangaken, Ni no Tachi!" Motoko released the evil killing attack towards Keitaro, who grinned and took it fully without any sidestep. As she gaped at the being, he turned his head towards her and smiled.

"Now now, Motoko, we both know you haven't mastered that spell, all it does is cause - " at that moment, Keitaro's shirt ripped into tiny pieces, fluttering around him like small flowers. Motoko, in shock at seeing the naked upper half of Keitaro, lost control to the sexier of her controlled self. She considered nibbling on those flowers, before kissing Keitaro and feeding him fresh fruit, which would cause him to tickle her belly (she had read in an adult magazine that that was what adults did, and she clung to that belief with her naiveté, even though her meaning was far from what the magazine had intended), and finally, little baby Motoko's and Keitaro would appear and she would live happily ever –

"No!" Motoko screamed, mainly to subdue her own fantasies. Keitaro smirked, able to read her face (his aforementioned ESP helped.)

"Lets finish this, Motoko." Keitaro said calmly, a plan formulating in his head. Motoko, still battling her inner demons, nodded mutely and charged towards him halfheartedly, her weapon raised above her head.

Halfway across the room, Keitaro dropped his sword. Motoko continued charging reflexively, gaping at the immortal one's antics. _Is he giving up?_ Motoko thought. Then, as she reached him, he reached around her. _He has a backup weapon! MOVE!_ Keitaro grinned as he leaned in, his face mere inches away from hers, a greedy leer in his eyes, and as he leaned in, Motoko realized there was no way she could dodge on time. As his arms wrapped around her, she shut her eyes and fell forward.

Motoko wondered if that burning sensation was her own blood leaking out. Then, slowly, she began to wonder why it was starting with her lips. Then, realization struck, and she ripped her eyes open to see…

Keitaro kissing her. Passionately. And with tongue. Motoko turned the brightest red possible, breaking the RBG chart and forcing people everywhere to redefine what they thought color was. Keitaro didn't notice, however, opting to slide his hands up and down her back in a manner that was designed to turn the strong, iron swordmistress into a soft, mushy pile of girl.

Keitaro's hands shifted focus suddenly, slinking around to the front part of her ceremonial robes. Before she could voice a complaint, his hand roughly pressed into her breast, squishing it tautly against her chest, and his teeth gently bit into her tongue.

"Ow, Keitaro, not so hard!" She complained, hardly aware of what she was saying, what was happening, or what her own name was.

"What, the big, strong swordswoman can't take a little roughness in her foreplay?" Keitaro asked teasingly.

Motoko blushed before reflexively speaking. "No, I just want you to be softer."

Keitaro crowed. "Ha, you just said you wanted me to play with your breasts!" Motoko stuttered her denial, before he leaned forward and kissed her again. Denial? Meet Motoko's inner desires. Motoko's inner desires? You know what to do. And so, while Keitaro kissed Motoko, Motoko's inner self slashed the ever-loving hell out of her denial.

Keitaro's hand returned to its motion, this time gently pulling up and down, tumbling and rolling, teasing and eliciting every sound Motoko knew how to make. A panicked thought flittered through her head – _does this count as rubbing my belly? It's pretty close…_ before shutting up. Logic, even faulty logic, cannot withstand the wrath of a Keitaro full-frontal massage.

Keitaro stopped suddenly, extracting his hand from the insides of her robes (_when did that happen?_ They both thought at the same time.)

"Why'd you stop?" Motoko breathed, her face threatening to bleed through the RGB right into the G as she said it.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I got what I came for." Keitaro said, nodding towards Motoko before walking towards the door. She blushed even more, and God himself came down and redefined what color was which color, so Motoko wouldn't have to be referred to as "Blue as a Cherry".

"Um, um…" Motoko lulled, trying to think of what she was supposed to be doing. "Oh, wait, we haven't finished our duel!" Keitaro grinned again.

"Spit." Confused, Motoko leaned forward and spat onto the ground. An amazingly vivid stream of red came out.

"I bit your tongue." Keitaro said. Motoko looked at him blankly. "It was a First Blood duel. I win." That said, Keitaro closed the door, leaving a screaming Motoko locked behind him.

As he left the building, he stopped by the front desk, bemusedly watching the nurse watching an instant replay of what had just gone on inside. The nurse looked at Keitaro, realized it was Keitaro in the flesh, and swooned.

"Um, I know it is really OOOOC (out of OOC (out of character (you know (aren't endless ()s annoying?)))), but maybe…"

The nurse gave him a blank stare.

"Okay, suffice it to say, this isn't like how I normally operate, which isn't like how I normally operate." The nurse continued to stare.

"Gah, I'm doing something unusual in the context of this unusuality. Motoko has a lump in her left breast, have it checked out." That said, Keitaro laughed and left the desk. The nurse, confused, began to think through what he had said. Finally, it clicked.

"Oooooh. He is operating outside the parameters of the parameters defined by breaking the parameters defined as broken by the definition of his originality as imposed upon the definition of original originality. Why didn't he just say so?" The nurse, a part time lesbian, decided to go look into Motoko's breast issue, and see if she could replay the incredibly hot scene that had just played out.

Meanwhile, back at the Hinata Inn, in Keitaro's bedroom…

Kanako, intrigued by the marvelous incense that was still filling the room, was only slightly broken out of her daze when Moe coughed. Moe coughed again, and finally Kanako shot her an annoyed look.

"You know, if you want to get rid of that nasty cough, you should really stop smoking."

Moe groaned at the pun. "I was just going to tell you that, at this moment, Keitaro just got done kissing Motoko." Kanako choked on the suddenly thick smoke. "And what is more, he was _playing with her breasts._"

Kanako screamed, heartbroken, and dived out the second story window, aiming a chi-charged suicide dive into the concrete. She drove through the concrete head first, smashing up a layer of concrete. Unfortunately, being a semi-Urashima, she was subject to the same rules of immortality that he was, and so, instead of dying a painful death, she merely remained stuck there, flailing her arms and legs, trying to pull her head out of the concrete, while her skirt fluttered obscenely around her chest, revealing long creamy legs and a black thong to all who passed by.

This crowd just happened to consist solely of just the author, who has a Kana-fetish. But he passed by plenty of times, just so it would feel like a lot of people were gawking. And though she couldn't know for sure, she was pretty certain she heard a camera snap a couple of times. Right then, she decided, once she pulled her head out of her hole, she was going to kill the author. Then she paused. And reread that sentence. And decided that she was not going to kill the author. She was going to torture him until he chose to die and all his will leaked out of him. Being a masochist, the author ran home to prepare the delightfully kinky things he had stored away.

Meanwhile, Moe watched this from her vantage point in the fireplace. Shinobu walked in with a duster, glanced at Moe, sniffed the air, and immediately fell into a frenzied trance from the scent of Keitaro's underwear burning.

Moe shot a glance at Shinobu. "Ah, just thought I would warn you, Keitaro is coming home, and if he finds you in his room, he'll probably try to molest you."

Shinobu's eyes widened at this, and she promptly fell down on Keitaro's futon and began to do things with the duster which can't be described in this story, since it is T+ to MA, not R. But rest assured, she was _not_ dusting his futon.

Moe blushed and turned away, embarrassedly plucking at her ashened arms. _Looks like I'm already peeling. _Moe thought idly, before remembering she was made out of wood.

For those who were lost, OOOOC is "out of out of character", work it out. /

Also, I know, no real trauma. I can't help it, I can't always update while in a pissy mood. So instead, I released the Sex Chapter. Lots of stuff that ain't sex, but should get all my fans screaming "do XXX with Keitaro and XXX" to sigh in relief and stop begging. /

Also, I am aware that Keitaro left Motoko with both the blades. Bit of a stupid thing for him to do, eh? I mean, if Motoko had a mind, she could break out in another chapter! But does she still have her mind? Who knows?

There you go, there is the 'swords clashing, hearts broken' chapter, and for a little fun, a tad of Shino and Kana ecchi action. D I am a Kana fan, so the thought of her in that position… (whips on his X-ray glasses and watches the anime to see if it'll let him see through drawn clothing.)


	6. Getting Confused

Long time no update, been busting my buns at work, which is never as fun as they claim it is. Who claims it is? Parents, before you turn 16. DAMN THEM. As for me, I've had two years to cope with the lie, but bah.

Mitschu turned to his trusty adviser, Kanako. "I've been having a bit of trouble with my reviewers, seems that one of them threatened to leave this story if I didn't have Keitaro and Shinobu get together and have sex. Now, I like Shinobu" – Kanako began to pout – "almost as much as I like you, Kanako" – the pout disappeared – "but I'm no pedophile, and neither is my conflagrated Keitaro."

Kanako sighed. "Well, doing a short self insertion won't fix it, will it? But anyway, why are you breaking all the laws of actuality to discuss this with me?"

Mitschu cleared his throat. "Well, to be blatant, you are the only girl sufficiently evil enough to spark the insane portion of my psyche and discover the indefinable recipe that'll make the 'translocation personal' of Keitaro, pushing him into Shinobu's arms."

Kanako sniffed.

"Er, right, sorry, repeat. You are evil. Keitaro is supposed to be evil. I want to write evil. Therefore, I ask you how to make Keitaro and Shinobu have mad passionate sex."

"Why don't you just shove me into his arms? Wouldn't that be an evil thing to do to your reviewers?"

Mitschu coughed. "Er, I was thinking more along the lines of 'you are mine'… and I ain't good enough to sacrifice my evil for the greater good of this evil story."

Kanako blinked.

Mitschu grumbled. "I really need to hang around people who can follow confusing semi-paragraphs. I ain't giving you to Keitaro because I'm monogamous and want to draw you naked without feeling guilty. Not even for the sake of this story."

Kanako sighed. "Well, there is only one way to settle this, then. We present a fallacious environment to the reviewer, involving the potential for sex, and ultimately end up with a huge mess of confusion, leading to dissatisfied variables that haven't a reason to be dissatisfied."

Mitschu gave Kanako a blank stare.

"I hang around you too much." Kanako said with a smug smirk. She leaned forward and began whispering in Mitschu's ear, ignoring the affect that was having on him. Slowly, eroticism changed to disbelieve, then annoyance, and finally, a matching grin appeared on his face.

"Okay, I think this is another reason why I love you, Kanako." The mustachioed one said. Kanako sighed. "We'll do it!"

Meanwhile, outside of the Hinata-Sou.

"Man, fighting, seducing, killing, torturing, and catching an illicit up-skirt flick on the way home… resisting the temptation to do evil is so challenging. Wonder if Shinobu has prepared my food yet. Silly me, of course she has. And if she hasn't, I'll just have _her_!" Keitaro laughed evilly, unawares of what awaited him inside the Hinata.

"SEEEEEMPAI!" The loud scream assaulted his ears as he reached the door, causing him to pause momentarily. Then he walked over to the television and flipped on the news. If he was lucky, and if Kaolla's invention had worked, there should be some very interesting footage… shot by one 'Urakei Shimataro', involving an X-ray camera and –

"SEEEEMPAI!" The yell flooded his head and line of thought, aggravating him again. Grabbing a nearby pillow, he plugged his ears as best as he could, before turning back to the images patrolling across the screen. 'Bunny rabbits.' Keitaro thought in an amused fashion as the young mother, unaware of the X-ray camera behind her, bent over. Then, as if a sixth sense – pervertdar? – had warned her, she straightened up and pulled her skirt tauntly, which actually allowed him to better see her –

"SEEEEMPAI!"

"DAMN IT, SHINOBU!" Keitaro yelled, dropping the pillow and marching up the stairs to her room. What he saw – Shinobu, completely naked, with two men standing over her – caused him no pause. Instead, he turned to address the two men as if he had been expecting them.

"Okay, listen, fuckbags, you are interrupting my watching the news, which, might I add, is very interesting today." The first fuckbag raised a gun from the shadow of his left leg, causing Keitaro to pause.

"Oh, is this about to become a rape scene? Shoot, screw the news." Keitaro turned around to grab his bathrobe from the other side of the room, in the clean laundry pile. Sensing an opening and expecting a weapon, the armed man shot, releasing a three-bullet retort into the room and sending Keitaro sprawling into the laundry basket.

Keitaro, being a man made of hard stuff, who had survived being chopped in half, decapitated, and more, merely stood up, glancing into the soiled basket as he did.

"Damn it. Shinobu, you aren't getting overtime for this, you know. And use a lot of bleach, because whatever doesn't come clean is coming out of your check." Keitaro turned to the men, real irritation in his eyes now. "I'll have you know my favorite shirt was in that basket. Even if the blood comes out, the stench is going to stay in it for a long time."

Logic. Such an in demand thing. For example, apologizing repeatedly to the man you just tried killing for soiling his laundry. Logical. Attempting to kill him again. Illogical.

Keitaro stood up after the second barrage slammed into him. Glancing down, he nearly passed out from the amount of blood in the hamper. 'I mean, God, my Liddo-kun shirt is probably never going to go back to a respectable shade of yellow again!'

Turning to the man with the gun, Keitaro released a feral growl and launched himself towards the guy. Not bothering anymore with the gun, the man did something logical. He dove out the window of the third story room, falling to his death. Which was surely less painful than what Keitaro would have done to him. Bravo for the show of intelligence.

However, with all his pent up aggression, Keitaro only had one other target to turn to, the other man in the room.

"Hey, man, please don't hurt me, that guy is an idiot, thank God he is dead, hey, wanna join our gang, er, I mean, a gang entirely devoted to you, are you Satan, by the way, cause I've never seen someone take as much punishment, and –" the next words were moot, as Keitaro grabbed the futon Shinobu was lying on and swung it around, decapitating the man.

"Damn it, that was no fun." Keitaro groaned, looking down at the bloody headless man. Finally realizing that Shinobu was still lying on the futon he was hefting up, he dropped the futon. Artlessly. On top of the dead guy. With a loud squish sound effect. If Shinobu hadn't snapped yet, that was the brick that was guaranteed to do it.

Oddly enough, Shinobu didn't snap. She just turned to Keitaro, grinning. "Thanks for saving my ass finally from those guys, Keitar – er, sempai. Nice gory scene you constructed here, if I may say so myself. Now, you going to fuck me, or do I have to get out the chains and whips?"

Keitaro blinked at the nubile young girl in front of him. Then smiled.

"Oh, I get it. Either you just went crazy and are now operating on your Id alone, or you are actually Kanako in a disguise. In which case, Shinobu is probably knocked out in the closet." Keitaro turned to the closet, opening it.

Sure enough, Shinobu fell out, landing in the soiled laundry basket, as opposed to the REALLY SOILED laundry basket. Keitaro watched as the semi-awake Shinobu slowly swam her way out of the other residents' dirty underwear, finally deciding that this went into his 'fulfilled fantasy' mental catalogue.

MODEL: Shinobu. STATUS: Head Injury. LOCATION: Unknown.

Shinobu slowly pulled her head out of the basket, looking around and trying to take in the situation. Blood filled laundry hamper next to her. Check. Keitaro, bleeding profusely across her entire bedroom. Check. Broken window. Check. Shinobu lying in a seductive position on Shinobu's futon, grinning lasciviously at Shinobu. Check.

LOCATION: Hinata-Sou.

Shinobu quickly put together the scene in front of her. Keitaro had entered her bedroom, only to be accosted by Naru and kicked through the window, only to fly so far he had actually entered a time warp, landing in a laundry basket and skidding across the room, bumping past-Shinobu and knocking her into a closet where she remained unconscious until time caught up. Made sense.

Shinobu walked over to future-Shinobu, grinning shyly. "So, whats the future like?"

Kanako looked blankly at Shinobu, before releasing a small confused noise.

"Oh, you are from the future, and aren't allowed to tell past-me what happens in the future. Come on, you know I won't tell anyone, give me a hint!"

Kanako grinned. "Well, ah… let me think… we, er, I, have mad passionate sex with Keitaro, and ultimately we… er… I have his children. Right this very second, Shino – me, we / I get to make the future!"

Shinobu looked around with a look of perfect understanding, before passing out. It took all of Kanako's smelling salts to wake her up.

"Right now?" Shinobu asked weakly.

"Yep, you and me are going to do a really short dance, and then one of us is to lie down on the left while the other one lies down on the right, and then Keitaro picks the one he wants to have his children. Yayness!"

The girls then proceeded to 'dance', aka run in circles until even the author didn't know who was who. Then, the leftmost Shinobu lied down on the left, while the rightmost Shinobu lied down on the right.

"Now you pick, Keitaro!" both girls said, turning to Keitaro, who had already made up his mind. Turning to the girl on the right, he did things that can be referenced to in pages 1 – 500 in the Kamasutra. In order. With no breaks. Yowza.

The girl on the other side looked on sadly, annoyed at not being picked. Then she shrugged and sat down to enjoy the show, releasing the occasional ooh and ah. And at one point, embarrassing everyone there, she jumped up and crowed her recognition of one of the positions.

"That's the position doggies do it in!" She promptly sat down and covered her blush as best as she could, using a strange makeup kit lying to her left.

AFTERWARDS, in the author's house.

Mitschu turned to Kanako, an annoyed frown on his face. "So, did you do it with him, or did Shinobu?"

Kanako giggled. "I'm not telling."

Mitschu grinned. "Then I guess you'll just have to come with me while I find out!" The next fifteen minutes were spent in Mitschu's bedroom as he did just that, before a low cry came from the room.

"Holy shit, you are kidding me, right? I didn't authorize THAT!"


End file.
